Going off to college can be both an exciting and slightly terrifying transition. Most college students are moving away from their families, learning to live on their own, making new friends, and dealing with roommates—all while balancing classes, assignments, and maybe even a job. It seems like a whole new world sometimes.

But there might be people in your Biology 101 class or your college group at church who feel like even more of an outsider than you do: missionary kids.

Understanding the MK experience

Many missionary kids (MKs) repatriate, or move back to their passport country, right after high school graduation. In a sense, they're coming “home,” but it usually doesn’t feel that way. Since MKs spend most of their formative years in a different country, going off to college is often a confusing, life-altering experience. Just because they're 18 years old and capable of doing things back in their host country that most kids their age in America could never dream of doing (if you’re an MK reading this, I’m sure a wild story just popped into your head), that doesn't mean they're ready for “adulting” in America.

But beyond the complexities of transportation, bank accounts, and insurance, lie more difficult questions and doubts. The idea of belonging is already an elusive concept for most MKs. They’ve lived between two worlds for so long. Now, in college, they’re not considered international students, but they definitely don’t feel like a true local student either. They have joyfully spent so much time serving with their families on a foreign field. But now everything has changed, and they’re starting over without their families who might be half a world away. The feelings of grief and loss, cultural conflict, and isolation are amplified in those first few years back.

Churches can help! 

Many churches have picked up on the struggles MKs are facing, and are asking, “How can we support our MKs”?

1. Build relationships.

Loneliness affects a large percentage of college students, but MKs might face it more acutely than most. Take time to listen and ask good questions. MKs have lived a lot of life already and may not have had very many people to talk to about it. My friend, Amy, who ministers to TCKs (Third Culture Kids - a broader term for children that have grown up as foreigners in a different culture) on her college campus, notes that storytelling might be a major way to process not only the college transition, but also the years MKs have spent in a different culture.

Try to remember that conversations are helpful, interrogations are not. MKs have fielded questions like “What was (the country they lived in) like?” and “Do you like America or (said country) better?” all their lives. Share your experiences as well, remembering that there’s no specific formula to friendship, and you don’t have to be able to relate to each other completely to build a strong relationship. Amy reminds us, “The gospel unites across every difference.”

2. Lend a hand.

As I mentioned earlier, normal activities might be overwhelming to an MK. Make a fun trip out of going to the grocery store together. Offer to give them a ride (because they might be hesitant to ask). Invite them to your home for dinner. If they don’t have family nearby, chances are they didn’t arrive with boxes full of clothes, toiletries, or room decor. Ask if you can help them find the essentials. Even if it’s just a small gesture of kindness, being the hands and feet of Christ will encourage an MK who is figuring things out for the first time.

3. Strengthen their faith.

Pray for your MKs and share the gospel with them. Wait, what? Aren’t we talking about missionary kids here—people who probably know more about serving God than you do?

Here’s the sobering truth: just because an MK grew up on the mission field doesn’t mean they ever believed in Jesus Christ for salvation. And the fact that MKs served in ministry doesn’t guarantee that they are now walking with the Lord. In fact, moving away from their family and everything they’ve ever known might plant seeds of doubt and cause them to question their faith. So make no assumptions. Even if the MKs you know are strong believers and love Jesus with all their hearts, continue to encourage them by praying, sharing Scripture, and seeking the Lord together.

The writer of Hebrews calls us to “consider one another in order to stir up love and good works” (Heb. 10:24). As you minister to your MK friends, it is my prayer that their firsthand experiences of serving the Lord will give you a greater understanding of missions. Your friendship may even spur you on to answer God’s call on your own life and take the gospel to a different land.

To all the MKs out there

Finally, a word to my fellow MKs—as you enter this new chapter of your life, keep your heart soft. It is easy for MKs to adopt a self-victimizing attitude and let big changes or the lack of good friends lead to bitterness. But the Lord is faithful to provide for your every need, and He will both surround You with His love and send people across your path to walk with you. The qualities you consider your strengths—adaptability, communication skills, resilience—may come in handy, but you’ll learn that abiding in Christ will establish your heart more than anything else can. Trust in Him, and approach college life, friendships, and transitions with the quiet confidence that comes from sitting in His presence.