Caring Emotionally for Retired Missionaries

Part 2 of a three-part series on caring for missionaries in their retirement.

By Scott Kenson

Have you ever heard of retirement grief? It is a real, studied phenomenon that affects at least one in three people when they retire, even if they were looking forward to retirement. There are several common contributing factors, including:

Missionaries are not immune to such struggles, and they actually have several additional stressors and factors that contribute to grief. First let’s look at these three factors and see how they relate to retired missionaries.

Loss of Identity and/or Purpose

As believers we know that our identity is in Christ, not in our work. Yet it can be hard for believers to step away from finding their identity in their work and to rest entirely in their identity in Christ. A greater factor though, is loss of purpose. While the purpose of living for God and making disciples never goes away even in retirement, there can still be a deep sense of loss when missionaries step away from ministries they have poured their heart and soul into for a lifetime. Those ministries are no longer their responsibility—they have (hopefully) been turned over to others. They suddenly find that the ministries that had been the focus of their lives are now another’s responsibility, and they find themselves lost, looking for something into which they can invest their time, energy, creativity, experience, and soul.

Decrease in Social Interaction

This is a huge factor that comes into play for retired missionaries. For many of them, their whole ministry has been about people, requiring them to have a very active social life. Most non-Western cultures are very social cultures where relationships are the key to accomplishing anything. Missionaries retiring from such cultures have spent years building friendships and connections. When they retire back to their passport country, they suddenly leave all that behind. Then they have to start building relationships all over again in their passport country, learning how people their age socialize.

Less Mental Stimulus and Physical Activity

God designed us to work, not to sit on our hands and do nothing. Work demands problem solving, creativity, emotional involvement, and physical output – all of which we are designed to need. When missionaries retire from the mission field, they leave behind the work they have been doing for years. Unless there is a new work for them to take on in retirement, there is a marked decrease in mental stimulus and physical activity, which eventually leads to grief and/or depression and mental decline.

Unique Missionary Challenges

In addition to these common factors leading to grief in retirement, missionaries deal with some factors unique to their particular ministry:

Loss of “home”

Many missionaries have spent their lives serving the Lord overseas. They have learned the language and customs of the places where they served. They have built relationships, and deep friendships. They have had years of shared experience with friends and ministry partners on the field. In many ways that mission field has become their home. When they retire and return to their passport country, they give up their home on the mission field and attempt to build a new life and a new home. However, building this new home comes with its own challenges, such as learning to live in their passport country again, making new friends among those who already have friends with decades of experience behind them, and finding a purpose in living where they live.

Change of culture

When missionaries return to their passport country, they find that it’s not the same as they left it. Even frequent furlough visits are not enough sometimes to help acquaint them with the changes going on in their passport country. They have to learn where to shop: stores like Kmart, Sears, and Big Lots no longer exist. They have to adjust to sticker shock: $20 no longer feeds a family of four at McDonalds! They have to get caught up on the latest jargon: “I know, right?” “Absolutely!” They have to figure out the latest changes and terms in insurance: HMO, PPO, PCP, etc. All of this can be overwhelming.

Change of church

As missionaries stay on the field, their sending church undergoes numerous changes. Good friends in the church are suddenly missing, and they don’t know whether the parting was amicable or hurtful. The pastor and other leader of the church have retired or been promoted to Glory and have been replaced. Many of the things that made that church their “home” church when they left for the field have disappeared. When it comes time to retire, many face the situation where they are relatively unknown in their sending church, and they have few to no friends left from when they first went to the field.

How Can Churches Help?

The point of this article is not to create sympathy for retired missionaries. It is to help churches think through the needs of retired missionaries so that they can better help these faithful servants. So what can churches do? First, make sure their financial needs are met. I dealt with this in a previous article, but it is by no means the only need.

Second, honor retired missionaries for their service. A simple “thank you for your service” is much appreciated. While they did not serve the Lord for the accolades of men, it is still meaningful when people recognize their sacrifice and thank them for their service on behalf of the church. A welcome back service, where the retiree reports on what God has done and where the church expresses its appreciation could also be helpful.

A third and even more helpful service is simply to provide a genuine listening ear. Most people appreciate being heard, especially when they are going through a difficult time, and missionaries are people too. When they talk about their life overseas, ask them about what God did, keeping the focus on what God did during their time there, and praise God together.

Last and most important, what retired missionaries need most is a chance to continue to serve the Lord in their retirement. As they are engaged by their local church in doing ministry, they build new relationships, gain friends that can help them navigate cultural changes, gain a redirected purpose, and begin to feel “at home” in their new (native) culture. The church benefits, they benefit, and you may find that they won’t need to talk so much about their life overseas because they are full of praise over what the Lord is doing now. For ideas on how to engage them, see the next article in this series called “Engaging Retired Missionaries,” which shows how they can be an asset and a blessing to your church.

Scott Kenson (a pseudonym) serves as a church planter in Creative Access Nations ministry.